Deconstructing Your Life
I know the word deconstruction can sound a little bit scary, or maybe even daunting. I certainly wasn’t expecting to be doing anything of the sort myself. Pulling something apart? Well, maybe a sticky bun. But you know how the universe works, and so there I was in a full-scale deconstructing of my life and coaching principles. Of course it had to go this way, because I’m my own laboratory. I work it through inside myself, and once I get it experientially, I’m ready to share with others, including clients.
What caused this deconstruction process to take shape? Well, it was a confluence of events which ultimately left me sitting squarely in the present moment – in all areas of my life. And I had this feeling of actually enjoying it, and being deeply grateful for, like, all of it. This was a pretty major aha moment for me, fifty-nine years in the making. And it wasn’t like I’d never lived in the present moment, I had for sure, but my awareness of it was at another level.
This deeply present moment awareness caused me to reflect on every area of my life – relationships, health, home, and work. It helped me to tap into a deeper appreciation of the people in my life, really loving them in the now, as they are. I realized I’d been caring for myself more consistently by eating healthy and working out regularly. And it intensified the feelings I had of deep appreciation to All That Is/God/Spirit/My Higher Power for my beautiful home, and for my amazing work both as a writer and as a coach. Present moment gratitude is powerful. I could feel it.
This new present moment awareness has also helped me to see the visions I’ve had for my life in a new way. Instead of squeezing the life out of them trying to make those dreams happen, I suddenly realized a better way of holding them – much more loosely. Our visions are absolutely useful, important even, but then we have to let them go. Some might say, “Let go, let God.” Turn the vision over, step into the sweet mystery of co-creativity with the Universe and live in the present. It’s a gift. This is a truth I’ve had a growing understanding of. We can’t find joy in some future outcome because it’s not here in the now. Joy is found by appreciating what is in the now. Joy exists in the present.
Another part of this present moment awareness is being able to see ourselves clearly, and specifically our personal limitations. Another part of my deconstructing my coaching practice came about because of a book I’m currently reading by Oliver Burkeman called, “Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts.” At first, I found Burkeman to be incredibly pessimistic, in sharp contrast to my very positive outlook on life, especially when it comes to human potential. As I read on, his idea that we have limitations reminded me of my own work with energy usage. It’s something as a coach that I specialize in. My brain has a natural ability to organize things. This particular ability helps clients look at where their energies are focused to see if the places it’s going are aligned, not only with the person’s values, but as a greater expression of their authentic selves. In order to take stock, we do need to be willing first, open second, and then finally honest with what we actually can and cannot do. This then allows us to make clear choices for ourselves, and to stop fighting with the present moment what-is-ness. And here’s where we find our freedom. Suddenly where not only accepting ourselves as we are, we’re also more able to accept the moment as it is, and this is revelatory. Life doesn’t need to be perfect. We don’t need to be perfect. That project you’re working on doesn’t need to be perfect. We simply need to do what the moment calls us to do, trust the process, and do our best. Sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. That’s simply the way life works, and when we can acknowledge this inside ourselves as a living example, our experience of life is better. Our anxiety lessens a bit, we breathe a little bit deeper, and more often than not, we find the joy in it all.
Moral of the story, if there is one, might be that sometimes we have to pull our thinking apart and put it back together again in a different way. If we want something to be different, then we have to try something new, and in a new way. Got it. This process of deconstructing my life made me feel, and maybe even realize, that I actually am ready for what’s next. And I suspect, so are you. I’m ready to enjoy life more, appreciate it more, and savor the moment – all the moments as a part of a divine unfolding of my life. Please join me, or at least give it a thought, consideration, or maybe even run the experiment. You just never know, until you do.
